So about the time I was out of college and into the swingers scene, I got picked up a lot and did a lot of picking up of my own. One I’ll always remember was Car Boy.
This was before I was instructing young men in their sexual prowess and sending them out in the world to please other welcoming women. No, this was when I was only starting to identify the problem. Some men just don’t get it. Car Boy was one of these.
Car magazines. Car television shows. Talking about getting a new valvanator for his 5.0 whatever it was. The car stereo. The car stereo speakers. Taking out the back seat to replace said back seat WITH car stereo speakers. We dated maybe two weeks, a handful of times. We’d already fucked, as I need to get that out of the way early. If you’re a lousy lay, I need to KNOW. LOL
I knew it was over when he pulled up behind me by coincidence at a red light one night. Complete happenstance. He tapped his horn, but I knew it was him from the incoming sound of music. Car Boy had so many speakers in his car that not only could I hear him coming, but his headlights dimmed to the beat of the music from pulling that much juice from the battery.
So as usually happens when I’m about to break up with someone, I started fucking with them. And you know that your phone sex mommy has no mercy. I lifted up my skirt on the way to dinner to play with myself, a little tease and denial as an appetizer.
Motherfucker didn’t want me messing up the car seats.
Ok.
Cut to a long road trip. He’s implying through bad innuendo that he would like some road head. You know what road head is, right? That’s when the girl contorts herself into an impossible position to give a half assed blowjob while the guy drives. If you have cruise control, you can switch roles. But I digress.
I’ve learned the hard way that flaunting one’s sexual experience can be a hand grenade to a relationship. And poppets, to this phone sex mistress, road head is for amateurs. I had him pull over and drive a country road in the middle of nowhere to find a secluded spot. I had decided fuck him, and fuck his car.
So I did.
Got him nice and hot with some teasing, skirt came off, no panties to speak of, straddled his stick shift (the car’s not his) and used his car as a $35,000 dildo. That’s right, I fucked his car by putting the stick shift inside me. Repeatedly. It actually felt good after a while, but what I enjoyed right away were the howls of protestation that I was ruining his car by sliding up and down the gearshift. The bulbous head helped force out a good bit of fluid with each extraction, so I got the base of the gear pretty messy.
I didn’t come, but I didn’t care. I made noises like I did, and he was pretty familiar with the faking it sounds, even though he always thought he was pretty good in the sack. You cheap phone sex lovers know what I sound like when I really come. It wasn’t like that.
I pulled off of the gearshift with a squelch and plopped back onto my seat and said we could resume the trip. He swore a blue streak trying to drive and clean his car at the same time.
I didn’t tell him I had to pee afterwards. I let him find out another way. LOL I rented a car for the drive back and enjoyed being single again for a while.
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